


Red Tinted Daffodils

by yellowpaintpots



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: ALT ENDING IN CHAPTER 2, Blood, Diseases, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Scared Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej In Love, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Shane is sick, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24009853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpaintpots/pseuds/yellowpaintpots
Summary: '“Oh my god. You’re in love.” Ryan’s expression and voice both soften. “Who is she?”'AKA: Shane is in love and it's making him sick.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 30
Kudos: 248





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hahh  
> time for pain!

It was getting worse. The burning ache in his lungs and the sting of his throat and the near-constant metallic taste on his tongue. He knew it’d get worse. He knew how it’d end. He feels another coughing fit coming along and stumbles off into the bathrooms, ignoring the worried face of his friends and co-workers.

Shane pushes his way into one of the stalls and locks the door behind him, kneeling over the toilet just in time for the coughs to start. He stares down into the toilet bowl when he’s finished and stares into the cause of the cough.

Daffodil flowers. Bright yellow petals stained red with blood. He groans and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He’s sure he looks terrible. His thoughts are confirmed when he stands up and exits the stall to wash his hands, meeting the sight of himself in the bathroom mirror.

He’s pale – almost grey, the usual warmth of his face completely drained; his eyes are dull, having lost their usual shine. He winces at the red stain of his lips and does his best to clean himself off in the sink. He runs a shaky hand through his hair and slumps against the wall, the coldness of the tile sinking into the back of his thin shirt.

Shane tenses up when he hears the bathroom door open.

It’s Ryan because of course it is.

“You ok, Shane?” Ryan asks. His voice drips with worry but that just makes Shane’s heart ache more.

Shane nods. He doesn’t trust his voice, probably scratchy or weak after what happened.

Ryan sighs. He doesn’t believe it, it’s obvious, but he doesn’t push. Ryan trusts Shane to go to him when he needs it – Although this isn’t something Shane would ever tell him.

Because how do you tell your best friend you’re in love with him, and that love is slowly killing you?

“Take the rest of the day off, man,” Ryan says, soft and still concerned. “Steven and I can cover the rest of the day.”

Shane doesn’t argue. He’s exhausted. He walks with weak legs to his desk to grab his things before calling a ride to take him home.

His apartment feels too quiet compared to his workspace. It’s unsettling. He drops his bag on the kitchen counter and heads off to his bedroom. He doesn’t care enough to do anything else.

Would it matter anyway?

~ ~ ~

Shane doesn’t feel any better the next day. He wakes with a low groan at the dull throbbing of his headache and the sting behind his eyes. His throat feels like he’s swallowed sandpaper, rough, and angry, and scratching at his skin. He just wants it to stop.

He considers going into work.

He takes one step from his bed before deciding it isn’t worth it.

Maybe just not looking at Ryan will help. It won’t, he knows that. But part of him hopes – Prays, even.

He coughs up more petals throughout the day. Some of them are coming out in broken chunks. It’s progressing – they aren’t just singular petals anymore. Soon enough he’ll be choking out entire daffodils until breathing becomes a chore that just isn’t worth the struggle.

There’s a knock on the door at some point in the evening, just as Shane begins to doze off on the couch. He thinks about ignoring it and closes his eyes again, but the knocking continues. It goes from normal sounding to almost panicked, frantic, like the person on the other side was concerned-

“Shane, open up!”

Of course, it’s Ryan.

The universe isn’t done fucking him over just yet.

He curls up into a ball on the couch. He doesn’t want to deal with people, least of all Ryan.

The knocking continues. Ryan sounds desperate. He’s pleading, his voice wobbling. Crying? Shane’s thoughts are cloudy. He stands up on shaking legs and shuffles over to the door, finally opening it.

“Oh, thank-“ Ryan’s words are cut off when he looks up. His eyes widen. “Fucking hell, Shane! What happened to you?”

Shane blinks, confused. Then it dawns on him. There’s blood staining his lips, some smeared against the side of his mouth where he’d tiredly tried to wipe it away. There’s some on his shirt too.

“I uh-“ Shane’s voice comes out rough and forced. He tries to clear his throat and shudders when he feels a petal shift against the back of it. “Just a bit sick.”

It’s a weak excuse. Ryan isn’t stupid. He pushes his way into the apartment and near enough carries Shane back to the couch before rushing off to grab things. He returns with a drink and a warm, damp cloth, which he carefully wipes Shane’s face.

“You’re a huge idiot, Shane,” Ryan grumbles quietly as he finishes cleaning Shane’s face.

Shane shrugs. “Probably.”

He tenses up when he feels another coughing fit hit. He’s too shaky to stand and his head spins. He turns his head away from Ryan just in time for it to start. Blood and petals fall onto his couch cushion and he pouts.

“Just bought those,” He mutters. He looks back up to see a look of realization on Ryan’s face.

“Oh my god. You’re in love.” Ryan’s expression and voice both soften. “Who is she?”

Shane looks back down, staring into the bright yellow of the petals. They stare back, mocking him.

“He,” Shane finally corrects. “There’s this guy. He’s uh, he’s really special.”

Ryan smiles, hand resting on Shane’s knee. “I hope things work out. Have you considered getting the surgery to clear the flowers? That fixes it, right?”

Shane nods. “Gets rid of the feelings, too. I uh- It sounds dumb I guess, but I- I can’t really imagine a life where I don’t love him. It just feels right. I figured I’d just… Let the disease take care of it.”

Ryan’s smile falters before completely falling. “Oh.”

Neither of them speaks for a few minutes. Ryan finally stands up. “I have to get home.”

Shane doesn’t respond. Ryan doesn’t move.

It suddenly feels uncomfortable.

Ryan scratches the back of his neck before starting to walk towards the door. He pauses and turns back. “Look, man. I- I get it. Not wanting to get rid of how you feel, but-“ He stops and Shane looks up to see him fiddling with his sleeves. He isn’t sure if its his already fogged over mind, but he swears Ryan’s eyes are wet with tears.

“Please consider it. The surgery.”

Shane shrugs. “Maybe.”

Ryan leaves with a frown.

Shane’s lungs continue to burn.

~ ~ ~

It continues like this for two weeks. Burning, aching, blood. Flower petals turn to clumps turn to full flowers. Breathing feels like hell.

Shane is exhausted.

His mind feels like its crammed full of cotton wool. Or daffodils – It’d be more fitting. His limbs feel like rocks whenever he tries to move.

He wants to rest.

He doesn’t know when the knocking started. His head’s too fuzzy to pay attention to the clock on the wall. The knocking continues, slow and then frantic like before. Then Ryan’s voice, filled with fear and concern. Shane rolls over with a whimper and curls up on his side. Maybe it’ll all just go away if he sleeps.

The knocking at some point becomes dull thudding every few seconds, like a body hitting it. Shane doesn’t care.

His breathing slows. He hears a crack and a thump and then footsteps heading towards him. But he’s exhausted and his head is foggy.

Shane falls to sleep just as Ryan reaches his side.

Shane is tired.

He doesn’t wake up.


	2. ALT ENDING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall were sad and honestly me to. this is an alt-ending where Shane actually does wake up and the boys get to be in love, for those of you who wanted something a bit more soft-
> 
> if you liked the angsty ending, you don't have to read this!! this is just a lil apology and gift to those of you who maybe wanted this-

_ It continues like this for two weeks. Burning, aching, blood. Flower petals turn to clumps turn to full flowers. Breathing feels like hell. _

_ Shane is exhausted. _

_ His mind feels like its crammed full of cotton wool. Or daffodils – It’d be more fitting. His limbs feel like rocks whenever he tries to move. _

_ He wants to rest. _

_ He doesn’t know when the knocking started. His head’s too fuzzy to pay attention to the clock on the wall. The knocking continues, slow and then frantic like before. Then Ryan’s voice, filled with fear and concern. Shane rolls over with a whimper and curls up on his side. Maybe it’ll all just go away if he sleeps. _

_ The knocking at some point becomes dull thudding every few seconds, like a body hitting it. Shane doesn’t care. _

_ His breathing slows. He hears a crack and a thump and then footsteps heading towards him. But he’s exhausted and his head is foggy. _

_ Shane falls to sleep just as Ryan reaches his side. _

_ Shane is tired. _

_ He doesn’t wake up. _

~ ~ ~

Or at least he didn’t expect to.

The first thing Shane notices when he wakes up again is the terrible yellow light of a lamp beside him. The next thing is the high beeping following a pattern that Shane feels like he should recognize. The third thing he realizes is that his lungs no longer feel like they’re on fire.

He finally manages to get his eyes open. They sting from the lights, but he pushes through it. He tries to sit up, but his body feels like jelly and he can’t seem to find the strength. His movements seem to alert whoever else is in the room because there’s suddenly a hand on his arm. He looks over and his stomach flips.

Ryan.

“Hey,” He manages, although it’s quiet and crackly.

“Hey,” Ryan says back, just as quiet.

Ryan looks terrible – Or as terrible as Ryan could ever be, which still somehow manages to look good. He hasn’t tried to style his hair; it falls over his face, messy and unbrushed. His eyes are dark, tired and bloodshot, the skin at the corners tinted pink from what Shane can only assume was crying.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” is the next thing that comes out of his mouth.

Shane blinks, surprised, and tries to sit up again (This time successfully). “I- Man, I just woke up, there isn’t a lot of stupid I can manage right now.”

Ryan looks away. Shane stares in confusion for a few seconds before it hits him. His throat doesn’t hurt. His lungs don’t ache. He can’t taste blood.

“Ry-“ Shane shifts and laces his fingers with Ryan’s. “Ry. What happened?”

Ryan looks back up and Shane’s heart breaks when he sees the tears in Ryan’s eyes.

“I… I brought you in after I found you. You- you were barely breathing,” Ryan’s eyes seem to glass over as he remembers. Shane squeezes his hand. “I asked them about the surgery but- but they said it was too late.”

Ryan’s shoulders shake and he hides his face with his free hand. It takes a few minutes for him to continue.

“They said I’d just have to wait it out. Gave you a private room and I just- I just had to- I had to watch.”

“I’m sorry,” Shane says, but his apology seems weak as he watches Ryan cry.

“You could’ve just told me,” Ryan says as he wipes his eyes. “You could’ve-“

“Telling you wouldn’t have made me better, Ry,” Shane sighs. “Telling you wouldn’t make you fall in love with me.”

Shane is hit with another realization. “Wait- Wait. Hang on. I’m alive, so-“

“Yeah.”

“When-“

“Seeing you here, waiting for you to- Waiting-“ Ryan couldn’t get out the words. He clears his throat and moves on. “I couldn’t imagine life without you. I-“

“Oh.”

Shane’s face breaks into a smile and he tugs on Ryan’s arm. “Come sit up here with me.”

“There isn’t enough room!”

“Oh, we’ll figure it out. Get up here.”

Shane doesn’t wait for Ryan’s reply. He just pulls Ryan up beside him on the bed. It’s not a comfortable fit, that’s for sure – But Shane doesn’t care. He holds Ryan close to himself and squeezes him as tight as his still weak arms will let him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doing a very stupid writing challenge this year, and you guys can help me reach my goal! Here's the Tumblr post explaining what I'm doing:  
> https://foxes-box.tumblr.com/post/616549472066994176/quest-to-420-works
> 
> did u cry? maybe  
> Did i cry? also maybe


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